Media Junkie

Bad Cinema: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
New Line Cinema/Threshold Entertainment
PG-13
95 minutes
1997

The original Mortal Kombat is one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies.  I know it's a schlocky, cheesy kung fu b-movie, but that's part of the charm.  As a fan of the video game series, I recall being excited for the feature film and being relatively pleased with the execution.  The years haven't been extremely kind and some of Mortal Kombat's original appeal has faded, but its abysmal sequel, Annihilation, never even had that to go on.

Whenever there is a list of the Worst Movies of All-Time, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation must certainly be on it or else the list is an obvious failure - much like the film itself.  What little story the games and the first film had - which was never more than an excuse for some cool fights to begin with - has been effectively thrown out the window in the sequel. 

The hero of the Mortal Kombat universe, Liu Kang, won the tournament that would have allowed the evil Shao Khan, Emperor of Outworld, to enter Earthrealm.  Oh wait, nevermind.  Annihilation makes it clear from the opening frames, which picks up right where the first film leaves off, that the last tournament apparently didn't matter.  So Liu Kang won; Shao Khan apparently does whatever he wants and is going to invade Earth anyway. 

Through the ensuing 90-minutes of pure cinematic torture, there's probably some vague, babbling explanation, but you're so over-inundated with fights and new character appearances that no one has ever been able to decipher anything.  I'd have better luck translating ancient scripture written in Aramaeic than understanding the plot of Annihilation.

Bad Cinema: Pineapple Express

Pineapple Express
Columbia Pictures
Unrated
117 Minutes
2008

It was inevitable that the comedy goldmine of Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen would hit a wall eventually.  After truly gut-busting comedies like Superbad, Knocked Up, and the utterly classic 40-Year-Old Virgin, it seemed like young writer/actor Rogen and producer Apatow were unstoppable, producing hit after hit and raking in the box office dough. 

With the release of Pineapple Express, however, the duo have not only hit the wall, they crashed into it going 160 miles per hour.

Bad Cinema: Hostel

Hostel
Lions Gate Films
Rated: R
94 Minutes

Hostel is a movie for no one.  No one that appreciates cinema should see this film.  No one should ever see this film because this film should never have been made, but for Roth's friendship with Quentin Tarantino who fronted much of the money to get this piece of drivel made.

Hostel is, without question, one of the absolute worst pictures I have ever seen in 29 years on this earth.  The only thing it succeeds in doing is leaving a bad taste in your mouth and bringing you 90 minutes closer to the end of your life.  At no point during this all-too-long gorefest was I entertained, intrigued, interested, impressed or anything but disgusted by the complete lack of cinematic innovation within.  But it wasn't the blood and gore that shocked me or left me feeling sick to my stomach.  It was the fact that some studio executive thought this movie needed to be shown to the general public.

Bad Cinema

"That wasn't so good, was it?"

That is the catchphrase uttered by Dan Aykroyd as Leonard Pinth-Garnell in Saturday Night Live's classic "Bad Cinema" sketches, wherein the character and his panel of guests watch some astoundingly bad cinema.  It is with that in mind that I introduce you to a new feature that will be appeared on Media Junkie in the very near future, appropriately titled, Bad Cinema.

In this feature, I'll be taking a look at some truly awful films.  They will follow the same general review structure as any other piece on this site, but movies worthy of the tag will be noted as such (as well as still being categorized under the Movie Reviews section). 

Many of these reviews will be more light-hearted in nature and less about outright bashing because, let's face it, sometimes it can be just as fun to watch a bad movie as it is a good one, but I reserve the right to vent when I see a film I feel is deserving of being raked over the coals.

Keep your eyes peeled for the first entry into this feature, appearing soon!