Hey, what's over here under all these cobwebs?
*blows off a thick layer of dust*
Hey, it's a blog! Wow! I forgot I had one of these! Nifty...
So what possessed me to post again after two months of inactivity? Sometimes you see something that is so out there, so strange, so... gross that you just have to tell somebody.
I have shared several stories from the restrooms at my place of employment. For whatever reason, the restrooms seem to be the equivalent of a full moon and the freaks all come out once inside their palely illuminated walls. There's the guy who stands at the urinal, disregarding the open one right next to it or the empty stalls, and smiles at you until you're finished. There's a guy whose might be running a business out of one of the stalls, or perhaps his job description is stall guard, because he is always in there. In nearly six years, I don't think I've ever entered the restroom without seeing this man emerge from one of the stalls. And yes, he seems to be in there multiple times a day. Either he eats an awful lot of fiber, or he really needs to see a doctor about his problem. Then there was the time I found - I am not even close to kidding - pubes. Not like stray pubes on the seat of a toilet, but on top of one of the urinals. If you think that's the grossest thing ever, you'd be right, because it is. How they got there, I don't know. Maybe whoever yanked them out and placed them there. Maybe a 12 foot tall man used the urinal and they just happened to fall there as he towered over it. Maybe he did a split-jump on the wall like a spy and decided he needed to shave. I don't know and I don't wanna know.
But today... today I saw something just plain... awkward.
I walked into the third floor restroom to find a young man. Itself not so unusual, this being a men's bathroom and all. This young man, however, was doing push-ups. On the floor, near the sinks, just doing push-ups.
There are several activities one frequently and normally engages in during a visit to the lavatory. Calisthenics are not one of them.
You have no idea how awkward it is to stand there, holding your manhood in your hands, and listening to another man grunting behind you as he works out. This is why the shower area is separate from the exercise equipment at the gym. They're not all in the same room because there is a time and place for both of them, and at no point do they intersect.
But there he was, doing his push-ups and informing me that I had found his "secret workout space." Excuse me, "secret?" Did you say "secret?" The third floor employee bathroom is not a "secret." It's in a building occupied by several hundred people. It's open to all and does not require a key or an electronic card to access. It's also a place where I once found pubes on top of a urinal, so God only knows what is on that floor that you are now putting your hands all over.
When he was done, he stood up, wished me a good day, and left. Did you notice how I didn't say he washed his hands, then left? That's because he did no such thing. He did push-ups, on the floor of a restroom where people enter and exit hundreds of times daily to relieve themselves of bodily waste, then stood up and left. I suppose I should give him points for being polite, but the gross factor sort of makes that irrelevant. He could've told me he was going to murder me and have sex with my corpse and I would have been less offended than I was over the fact that he didn't wash his hands and is now touching other places in the building that I may need to touch at some point.
If I walk in there tomorrow and he's riding an elliptical, then I'm going to tell him I own the building and start charging him a membership fee.
