Loaded
Sony PlayStation
Developer: Gremlin Interactive
Publisher: Interplay
Rated: M for Mature
Released: 1995
Completed: 26 January 2016
When Loaded came out for the PlayStation, I'll admit I was a little jealous. As a staunch and unyielding Saturn owner (at least until Metal Gear Solid came out), I remember the hype surrounding the timed Sony exclusive. Magazines like DieHard GameFan gave it plenty of hyperbolic coverage, comparing it to bona fide classics like Smash TV and The Chaos Engine (known as Soldiers of Fortune on US home consoles). The screenshots sure looked sweet and were loaded with awesome light sourcing that was the hallmark of early PlayStation games.
Eventually, Loaded found its way to the Saturn, albeit with downgraded effects and plenty of slowdown. Sega's complex machine always struggled with fast-paced 3D, and the lighting just wasn't up to snuff, but I still remember thinking how cool the game was. It was hyper-violent, had six cool characters with unique weapons and attributes, featured frantic shoot 'em up gameplay, and it even had a great soundtrack to boot.
Twenty years later, I can only assume I was a dumb 90s teenager - which, to be fair, is exactly the target audience for Loaded - and I gave the game a free pass because it was gory. The graphics may have been cutting edge in their time, but like the rest of the game, nothing about Loaded has aged well. It reminds me of the original Grand Theft Auto. Going back and playing it now, there's little substance, and even less fun in this relic of the early 3D era.
Loaded attempts a meager story. Each of the six maniacs has been sent to a prison planet for crimes they didn't commit, and they all want to bust out and exact revenge on the man responsible for putting them there, FUB - Fat Ugly Boy.
Every level is little more than a maze of corridors loaded with obnoxious enemies, and in just about all of them you have to find colored key cards to access new sections so you can kill more enemies and eventually make your way to the exit. Most of the levels take place indoors, in nearly identical-looking rooms and industrial-style corridors, and the levels that take place outside all look nearly identical to one another with even more confusing layouts.
I suppose the Smash TV, Chaos Engine, and even Gauntlet comparisons are somewhat apt, given the seemingly endless barrage of enemies you'll face. But what separates those games from Loaded is those ones are actually fun. Loaded's boring, bland level design and fetch-quests get real old real fast. There's often a lot of backtracking once you obtain a key card, and seeing as how you have to get all four of them in each stage, it just becomes tedious.
Enemies don't have much variety either. There are a few basic types of humans, a few robots, and some of the most annoying critter enemies any game has ever had. Between the rats on speed, spider-crab-things, and stupid panther-dog-things, your health is chipped away by cheap enemies while you spin around, firing madly in an attempt to get them off of you. The poor collision detection means your shots will often pass right through what looks like it should be a direct hit while the enemies continue to plague you.
I suppose the control works well enough, but the default scheme is ridiculously uncomfortable and once you've started a game, you're stuck with it. There's no way to change it if you load a saved game later, so expect to have one hell of a claw-grip by the time it's over if you leave the strafe button mapped to L1. Shooting is multi-directional, while strafing allows you to hold your aim in a specific direction. I found myself holding the button most of the game, resulting in terrible hand cramps.
There's not much strategy in Loaded's action. You can use walls as cover, but that seems to be a happy circumstance rather than by design because enemies are often so stupid they'll keep running into a wall in an attempt to get to you. This gives you a chance to aim while they're hung up on the scenery.
About the best thing I can say about Loaded is that the soundtrack is still pretty good. The Pop Will Eat Itself track doesn't do much for me, but the original compositions are pretty cool electronic tunes that get the blood pumping. It suits the action, even if the action isn't as entertaining as the music.
The graphics, on the other hand, aren't going to impress anyone. The basic character designs are cool, but the game's top-down perspective means you can barely make out their features in-game. Enemies all look generic, and to add an extra layer of frustration, frequently blend into the background. Levels themselves are pretty much the same set of textures used over and over again. All the prison levels look identical, all the space port levels look identical, and all the outdoor levels look identical, just with different layouts, but none of them look very good.
The light sourcing effects are still the best part of the presentation, if you take into context when the game was released. In 1995, it was super cool to see your bullets illuminate a dark corridor. Unfortunately, the slowdown I remember from the Saturn version is in the PlayStation original too. It's not quite as prevalent, but whenever there's a lot of enemies on screen - which is often - the game gets extremely choppy.
Lastly, the game's brutal difficulty may cause players to Frisbee the disc long before they finish the game. The challenge wouldn't be so bad if you could overcome it with smarter play and strategy, but there's so little to be had that survival usually boils down to running around madly, hoping you can kill the enemies before they kill you or you can find a health power-up. Thankfully, there are a plethora of cheat codes if you're so inclined, and once activated you don't have to enter them again.
Loaded is a product of the 90s through and through. It focused on style and trying to be edgy in the hopes teenagers would flock to it, and it worked. A sequel, Re-Loaded, was released not even a full year later, but by that time most players had moved on and sales were disappointing. The original game is still fondly remembered by many, which makes it all the more surprising that my feelings have changed so drastically. I'm usually a sucker for nostalgia, but Loaded's frustration factor outweighs any fun I managed to squeeze out of it. The best thing I can say for it is that it's pretty short, but even the ending is an underwhelming disappointment. The game doesn't even have end credits after its unrewarding short final cinematic! Loaded is a load of something, alright...
Loaded was completed on a real PlayStation using the additional lives cheat.
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