Developer: SEGA AM1
Publisher: SEGA
Rated: T for Teen
Released: 31 October 1999
Completed: 26 August 2017
A while back I reviewed Die Hard Arcade on the Sega Saturn where I said that, objectively, it's a pretty threadbare port of an arcade game that can be beaten in a matter of minutes. Subjectively, I admitted that my nostalgia blinds me and I still love the game. When it comes to the game's sequel, Dynamite Cop, all of that - but on a boat.
Pretty much the entirety of this review could be summed up with the phrase "but on a boat." That is the gist of Dynamite Cop; it's Die Hard Arcade, minus the license, and on a boat. Bruno Delinger, the original game's protagonist - returns, but this time he's on a boat. Two additional characters join him, Jean Ivy and Eddie Brown, and while they technically have different moves and slight differences in speed, they're all pretty much the same. I was miffed that Bruno's pet monkey, pictured perched on his shoulder on the character select screen, is not in the game. I was promised a monkey, SEGA!
Wolf Hongo (and his amazing beard) also returns as the villain, but on a boat. He has some other pirates with him, and once again the President's daughter has been kidnapped. Instead of being held hostage in an office high rise, she is now captive on a boat and hiding in a rather ostentatious pink suitcase that raises so many questions I don't even know where to begin. Whose suitcase was it? How did the terrorists not notice it was so heavy with a human being inside of it? How flexible is the President's daughter to fit inside of that suitcase? How shitty are the President's secret servicemen if they let his daughter get kidnapped a second time?
If this review seems utterly silly to you, that's because it's the only way you can really talk about Dynamite Cop. The game itself is so self-aware and ludicrous it begs you to make jokes about it. You can literally beat people to death with giant sportfish and fire missiles at enemies that explode into little tiny mushroom clouds, all within the confines of a cruise ship. That's why the game works!
Dynamite Cop isn't an incredible game. It got mediocre reviews when it came out, and they're largely justified. Like Die Hard Arcade, it's capable of being completed in minutes. There are plenty of moves and weapons at your disposal, but basic punch and kick combos will get the job done. Between beating up thugs, you still have to participate in quicktime events that can result in slight alterations on your path to the final showdown with Wolf. It all has a very been-there, done-that feel to it, but on a boat.
And yet, just like its predecessor, I can't help but love it. I know it's an ugly game that would look more at home on the N64 than the Dreamcast. I know the voice acting is horrendously, hilariously bad. I know it's a simple, braindead, arcade button-masher, and it's stupidly easy, but dammit if it isn't fun in short bursts!
Just about the only difference between Dynamite Cop and the original Deka/Die Hard Arcade besides the setting (a boat, in case you forgot) is you can now pick your starting route from three options. The three routes share some areas, but each has their own exclusives as well, giving the game just a tiny hint of replayability.
Like the Saturn port of Die Hard Arcade, there's also a classic SEGA arcade game thrown on the disc. This time it's Tranquilizer Gun. Ironically, DHA's Deep Scan would have been more fitting, in keeping with the boat theme and all, but in any case they're still both kind of weird choices that have nothing to do with the core game.
So what have we learned about Dynamite Cop? It looks terrible, it's short, even with multiple paths, it's not very deep but somehow it still manages to be kind of fun, and it takes place on a boat. It's so ridiculous you just have to play it, especially if you enjoy arcade brawlers.
Dynamite Cop was completed on a real Dreamcast (but not on a boat) with no cheats.